Archive for July, 2008

I had an epiphany the other night. I was talking with a neighbor and good friend. He’s a piano freak who’s learning more guitar, whereas I’m a guitar freak who’s learning more piano. We were going back and forth about theory and the benefits of piano or guitar in relation to difference musical efforts.

Then I considered the outplay of eternity.

The epiphany went like this:
We’re already experiencing the rest of eternity. We are not eternal, only Yahweh is eternal because he has neither a beginning nor an ending. We, like all things in the earthly and heavenly realms, are created. So we have a beginning. Yet, we won’t have an end. Scripture tells us we’ll live forever, either with our Creator or without him, based on our own nature and will. Thus, we don’t experience the “front” of eternity…because there is no “front” with eternity. But we will (and already) experience the “back” of eternity…the rest of existence, which will never end.

In ancient times God showed a man a glimpse of heaven. What was happening? Worship. Song. Music. Tones. Notes. Arrangement. Melody. Perhaps harmonies and accompanyment? Centuries later another man was given an even longer glimpse, not only of God’s own throne but into the future, to the end of the age and into the age to come. What did he see? Worship. Song. Music. Chorus. A subtle thought came to me…

Perhaps what I know of music now will be used for the rest eternity.

There are many things in this life which will not continue in the age to come. The house I constantly tinker with, my guitars, my clothes, cameras, photos, recordings, all that material stuff will be done away with and replaced with a new creation. But the stuff of my character, it appears, will stay with me forever.

The kind of person I am now is the kind of person I will be in eternity.

As it relates to song…could it be that what I know of music now will be used in heaven? Maybe the elements of song will be new, elevated and somehow more fitting for the ears of the Divine, but maybe what I know now will serve Him them?

And joy came to me. My soul smiled like a kid who overhears his parents talking about going for ice cream. My pleasure in music was infused with anticipation. I saw it new. A great journey, song. Unending, song.

I’ve been thinking about all the time I spend managing life. A nine year old marriage, three daughters, closing out graduate school, a new position at CBS, new ministry efforts, and all the other wonderfully challenging aspects of life amount to a huge task list waiting to be administered, to be managed.

I can easily spend several hours a day pouring over various pockets of need. How is this thing going? Am I missing anything? What’s going well? What do I need to look out for in the future? What needs to start now so that when the future is the present we’ll be prepared? Those kinds of questions, while rooted in wisdom, can be tyrannical.

What ever happened to living life?

By “living life” I’m not talking about the American myth of care-free living. What I mean is this: whatever happened to being spiritually engaged in life’s challenges instead of trying to merely make it “manageable”?

Faithfulness to God and people has been replaced by faithfulness to future goals.

I think there are many difficulties that we just try to avoid, to get through. But when I look at Jesus in the gospels and the example of the Apostles in the book of Acts what I see is struggle after struggle, difficult situation upon difficult situation…and in the midst of those challenges the Lord works to bring redemption and healing through his gospel.

How much God-given ministry have we missed because we’re so busy managing the situation?

In Jesus we have redemption from judgment, freedom from darkness, Spirit empowerment to do the Father’s will, victory over sin, and good works prepared for us. How petty I am to miss these things in the name of effeciency and smooth-sailing.

Some will say, “Well, you can’t just run around that way and not take care of details.” Which I think is true and false. True, we must handle the details. I am a husband and father. I am commanded by Yahweh to love my wife and teach my children the truth of God in all things, all the time. That requires some administrative effort. But it’s false to think we can’t live through our situations. It’s a matter of spiritual perspective.

You can be both diligent in the details and diligent in spirit. Actually, I think that’s closer to who we’re called to be.

I had a friend recently say to me (I think he was quoting another person):

The best way to kill the family is to focus on the family.

In one sense that’s a shot at Dr. James Dobson and his ministry “Focus on the Family”. I know little about his ministry. I know it’s huge. I know it’s geared at family life in some way or another. My mom once gave me a book by him. I read it and wished I could get back the hour of my life I lost reading it. I know nothing of the man personally, but that particular book wasn’t much better than the pop psychology you get from Joel Osteen or Oprah Winfrey (although I seem to recall it did mention Jesus which is more than can be said for the other two).

My friend’s point was in reaction to a much heralded phrase in the church today:

I’m not going to sacrifice my family on the altar of the church.

I first heard that in a sermon roughly six or seven years ago. I loved it. I come from a long line of broken homes. My family tree looks like something my two year old would etch-a-sketch. My wife grew up with her Hungarian mother and grandmother who, sweet as they were/are, really need their own category of dysfunction. We have to learn everything for the first time each step of the way. Nothing comes “natural”. How to express affection to her, how to play with kids, how to be patient, how to listen, how to lead, how to teach the Bible to children…those were are all blanks to us. Nothing is learned, at least nothing we want to repeat. So a statement like the one above really resonated with me. I’m determined to remain faithful to my bride. I’m determined to point my kids to Yahweh in all things. I’m convinced that my family is a witness which goes out to everyone before I ever open my mouth in preaching, counseling, or teaching. All those convictions fueled a wholehearted acceptance of the aforementioned statement.

And that was the problem.

I was reacting and reasoning out of my experience. I have seen pastors who did “sacrifice their family on the altar of the church”. Their families did not take a back seat to ministry, they weren’t even in the car. Their children’s actions would scream out how much they wanted dad’s attention, and everyone could see it but the pastor. Their wives became terse, harsh, an image of their marital relationship. I wanted to do anything to avoid ending up that way, anything to avoid repeating what’s been going on in my family for generations.

So I’ve been neglecting Jesus.

I have become so wrapped up in keeping my family off “the altar of the church” that I’ve become focused on my family - at the expense of focusing on the gospel and my Lord. I had set a rule about how many nights per week I would be away from the family. I drew hard boundaries around certain portions of the week, refusing to consider ANY ministry which would infringe upon that time. I spent more energy building walls around family time than I did praying for my family and leading them towards Christ.

So I’m rebooting, changing direction, repenting:

I believe each person exists to glorify Yahweh and to enjoy him forever. My family, in once sense, is a gathering of individuals whose common purpose is to glorify Yahweh and to enjoy him forever. The question is not, “how will this affect my family?”. No, most definitely not. The question is:

How can my family best glorify Jesus?

Sometimes my family will best glorify Jesus by being demonstrably different than the frantic, self-absorbed families which typify Ft. Bend County. Sometimes my family will best glorify Jesus by me saying no to ministry requests. But sometimes my family will best glorify Jesus when dad and mom prayerfully agree that we must die to our own perceptions of family life, endure hardship, and go outside the family-camp to bring gospel ministry to others.

So I’m reckoning with Jesus, and reasoning based on the Bible, not my experience.

Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me
and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.
Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

And everyone who has left houses
or brothers or sisters
or father or mother
or children
or lands
for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life.
But many who are first will be last, and the last first.

- Jesus the Messiah